11 August 2009

Recap: Teen Choice Awards 2009

At 21 I'm officially not eligible to vote for the Teen Choice Awards. I know right! I can vote for Obama to get the presidency, but not for little Frankie Jonas to get a surfboard. Nonsense. That's why I beat the system and submitted my votes (i.e. altered the year I was born). Anyway, I cast my votes and waited until last night to see if anyone I voted for had won. Of course, I could only recall who I had voted for in like 3 categories, but whatevs. So here's the Teen Choice Awards recap through the eyes of a non-teen.

I must say I enjoyed the Jonas Brothers' comedy intro. I voted for Obama. I voted for the Teen Choice Awards. It all comes full circle. Now when they first started performing I was a bit confused as to why the stage was so small, then I realized it was moving through the crowd. Moving stage trumps bigger stage in my book. (Sidenote: I must find out the lyrics to that song. It sounds dirty. Is anyone else hearing double meanings in songs from the last JoBro album, or is that just me? I swear my friend hears it too.)

Totally voted for Chace Crawford and Leighton Meester! Glad they won. Glad Gossip Girl won. (Take that 90210!) I loved Leighton's dress and I loved that she gave a shout out to her little brother. (What up lexmaster1600!)

Now here's where I got confused. Yup, I'm talking about the Twitter section. Why was there a Twitter award? I've been on Twitter longer than all of these celebrities. Where's my award? Anyway, I'm glad Ellen won. Apparently she's giving $1000 to one of her followers next week, so I need to start following her. Plus she said she's going to start tweeting celebrity phone numbers. JT's first please, lol.

I loved Ashley Tisdale's dress. I love basically everything she's doing right now ... except for that kids' movie - what is that?

Zac Efron's so over. He didn't get as many screams as he did last year. HSM out. Twilight in.

Who else can't wait for Glee? Glad to see Kevin doing something post-NLT.

I'm not a big Sean Kingston fan even though we both are of Jamaican descent. I did love that he had them waving the JA flag, especially since Jamaican Independence Day was last Thursday (i.e. my bday - no really - Google it!)

Is Mike Tyson really cutting Joe Jonas' hair? (You know you were thinking it too for a second.)

I'm glad Taylor Lautner and Ashley Greene won, but I voted for Nikki, not Ashley. Whatevs. Nikki wins my GRAE New York award for best Twilight lady red carpet style. BTW, did anyone else see when they zoomed in on Selena Gomez cheering for Taylor. Oh those producers.

I love Ed Westwick's James Dean shirt! I have a JD shirt of him circa Rebel Without a Cause, but now I really want one of those portraits of him on a tee. I'm also loving Ed's cuffed pants and shoes sans socks. I think Chuck Bass is rubbing off on him.

I'm glad My Sister's Keeper won even though I didn't see it. I just love the cast. Didn't Cameron Diaz look amazing!

The night before the awards aired, I saw some photos of Miley Cyrus on the red carpet. My jaw dropped. She looked half-naked. She posed for a photo with Fergie, and I wished they would have switched outfits. Miley's clothing choices didn't get better as the show went on. She traded in her mini for some barely there shorts and decided to rock a skimpy tank that revealed her bra. Mind you the girl's 16 years old. Even her "hero" Britney didn't start stripping until her 20s. Speaking of stripping, I would like to speak to whoever thought it was a good idea for Miley to get on top of an ice cream cart that was decked out with a stripper pole. By this point I just wanted the whole performance to be over, but she just kept singing about shaking her hips. When it was finally over, I was surprised no one had a heart attack.

I ♥ Alexis Bledel. She looked lovely, and I can't wait to see her new movie. Rory Gilmore forever!

Selena Gomez is adorable. Unlike Miss Miley, she kept it classy. You go girl. I'm glad she won. I think I voted for her.

You've probably already heard about the whole Dane Cook vs. Vanessa Hudgens thing. If not, you certainly won't have any idea what I'm talking about since it was cut out of the show's broadcast. Dane told Vanessa to keep her clothes on after another set of her nude photos came out. According to one article, the crowd "hissed and booed." I don't know if this is because I'm 21 and seeing things from a different perspective than the much younger audience, but I agree with Dane. You know if you're going to take nude photos of yourself, they'll get out eventually. It doesn't matter if you're a celebrity or the girl next door. Be careful what you do. Your actions most certainly do have consequences. Keep your clothes on! Preach on Dane! Preach on!

I am very glad that Frankie Jonas won. I had a whole "Vote 4 Frankie J" campaign going on on my Twitter. Okay, not really. It was more like a TwitPic I posted once, but still. I like to think I helped spread the word about this little scene stealer.

Since the Justin/Britney days of the Teen Choice Awards (i.e. the one where they almost kissed), the only award I really care about is Choice Hottie. This award totally sets the tone of who the hottest (i.e. most talked about) celebs will be for the next year. This year's winners were Megan Fox and Robert Pattinson. Who else was dying laughing as these two made their way onstage? Does anyone else remember those stories about the real reason Megan said she doesn't see why people think Rob's hot? Allegedly she and R-Pattz hooked up after she broke off her engagement with that guy (you know the older one from that show I never watched). Anyway, after the hook up, Rob just blew her off and since then she's been anti-Rob. I just loved the awkwardness of the moment. And by the way, someone must teach R-Pattz how to hold a surfboard properly. I have no clue what he was doing.

The Black Eyed Peas' I Gotta Feelin' is definitely the song of the summer. I loved the whole surfboard entrance. It totally kept the Teen Choice Award surfer theme.

Hugh Jackman may be a hot action star, but I voted for Shia. :-(

Kim Kardashian the cougar - that has a nice ring to it. I love Kim. My favorite part of those nonsensical JoBro dares was her hugging Nick. BTW, who do you think makes a better blonde - Kim K or Kat Von D?

Sidenote: I kept forgetting the Jonas Brothers were hosting the show. Every time they popped out to do the whole dare thing, I kept wondering why they were onstage again, lol.

Double Sidenote: I love when Kevin tells the girls pre-Nick hug, "and let's be clear, you're not going for long-term relationships here." That coming from the one who just got engaged. Oh brother Jonas brother.

When Miley presented the Ultimate Choice award to Britney Spears, did anyone else notice that Britney seemed scared of Miley. When Miley first handed the surfboard to her "hero," Britney took it and walked to the mic without even a hug or a kiss for the Disney star. After giving her 2 sentence speech, B ran offstage with Miley trailing behind. Am I the only one who notices these things?

Fred from YouTube won, yay! I must admit, I've only seen one of videos.

Yay for Paramore and Jason Mraz!

I love when Miss J catwalked over to the surfboard. So fabulous and loved the speech!!

Josh Duhamel's been hot since I was a teenager. Glad he's still relevant. Yay you!

I finally learned how to say Cam Gigandet's name and I already forgot to say it. Oh well.

Twilight cleaned house! Gotta luv it. My fave moment is when Rob tried to give a speech and no one knew what the hell he was trying to say, not even his castmastes. So Nikki Reed (luv her!) says to Catherine Hardwicke, "you should say something." So Catherine basically comes in and ties it all together. Yay Nikki for taking control of a situation that was about to head south. (She reminds me of me.)

Shia won something. Yay! I totally voted for him! ♥ I just wish he was there.

The Jonas Brothers' last performance was awesome. I've never seen Joe really get into a song like that before. I really think it has to do with his recent breakup. Anyway, I need to start my #IWant2MarryJoeJonas campaign on Twitter again. Who's with me?

I didn't mention them before, but who else thinks that Emily Osment and Keke Palmer rocked the red grass carpet?

In the end, I guess I can still hang with these kids. They're all basically around my age. I'm just glad I'm not a teen anymore. Kids are so racy now, but I can see why. With teen stars like Miley leading the way, their good girl image can easily cross into bad girl terrritory at the drop of hat or a touch more eyeliner - hence the confusion. In my day teens were much tamer. I'm nervous to see what will happen when I have kids of my own.

Here's the full list of winners:


Choice Music Single: Miley Cyrus - "The Climb"
Choice Music Hook-Up: Lady GaGa feat. Colby O'Donis - "Just Dance"
Choice Music Male Artist: Jason Mraz
Choice Music Female Artist: Taylor Swift
Choice Music Rap Artist: Kanye West
Choice Music R&B Artist: Beyonce Knowles
Choice Music Rock Group: Paramore
Choice Music Breakout Artist: David Archuleta
Choice Music Love Song: David Archuleta - "Crush"
Choice Music R&B Track: Beyonce Knowles - "Single Ladies"
Choice Music Rap/Hip-Hop Track: Black Eyed Peas - "Boom Boom Pow"
Choice Music Rock Track: Paramore - "Decode"
Choice Music Album Male Artist: Jason Mraz - "We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things"
Choice Music Album Female Artist: Taylor Swift - "Fearless"
Choice Music Album Group: Jonas Brothers - "Lines, Vines and Trying Times"
Choice Music Soundtrack: "Twilight"
Choice Music Tour: Demi Lovato and David Archuleta
Choice Summer Song: Jonas Brothers feat. Miley Cyrus - "Before the Storm"
Ultimate Choice Award: Britney Spears


Choice Movie Action Adventure: "X-Men Origins: Wolverine"
Choice Movie Drama: "Twilight"
Choice Movie Bromantic Comedy: "Marley & Me"
Choice Movie Comedy: "Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian"
Choice Movie Chick Flick: "27 Dresses"
Choice Movie Horror/Thriller: "Friday the 13th"
Choice Movie Music/Dance: "High School Musical 3: Senior Year"
Choice Movie Hissy Fit: Miley Cyrus, "Hannah Montana: The Movie"
Choice Movie Actor Drama: Robert Pattinson, "Twilight"
Choice Movie Actress Drama: Kristen Stewart, "Twilight"
Choice Movie Actor Action Adventure: Hugh Jackman, "X-Men Origins: Wolverine"
Choice Movie Actress Action Adventure: Jordana Brewster, "Fast and Furious"
Choice Movie Actor Comedy: Zac Efron, "17 Again"
Choice Movie Actress Comedy: Anne Hathaway, "Bride Wars"
Choice Movie Actress Music/Dance: Miley Cyrus, "Hannah Montana: The Movie"
Choice Movie Actor Music/Dance: Zac Efron, "High School Musical 3: Senior Year"
Choice Movie Villain: Cam Gigandet, "Twilight"
Choice Movie Fresh Face Female: Ashley Greene, "Twilight"
Choice Movie Fresh Face Male: Taylor Lautner, "Twilight"
Choice Movie Liplock: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, "Twilight"
Choice Movie Rumble: Robert Pattinson vs. Cam Gigandet, "Twilight"
Choice Movie Rockstar Moment: Zac Efron, "17 Again"
Choice Summer Movie Drama: "My Sister's Keeper"
Choice Summer Movie Comedy: "Up"
Choice Summer Movie Romance: "The Proposal"
Choice Summer Movie Action Adventure: "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"
Choice Summer Movie Star Male: Shia LaBeouf, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"
Choice Summer Movie Star Female: Megan Fox, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"


Choice TV Show: Drama - "Gossip Girl"
Choice TV Show: Action Adventure - "Heroes"
Choice TV Show: Comedy - "Hannah Montana"
Choice TV: Animated Show - "SpongeBob SquarePants"
Choice TV: Reality - "The Hills"
Choice TV: Reality Competition - "American Idol"
Choice TV Actor: Drama - Chace Crawford, "Gossip Girl"
Choice TV Actress: Drama - Leighton Meester, "Gossip Girl"
Choice TV Actor: Action Adventure - Tom Welling, "Smallville"
Choice TV Actress: Action Adventure - Hayden Panettiere, "Heroes"
Choice TV Actor: Comedy - Jonas Brothers, "J.O.N.A.S!"
Choice TV Actress: Comedy - Miley Cyrus, "Hannah Montana"
Choice TV: Breakout Show - "J.O.N.A.S!"
Choice TV: Breakout Star Female - Demi Lovato, "Sonny with a Chance"
Choice TV: Breakout Star Male - Frankie Jonas, "J.O.N.A.S!v
Choice TV: Male Reality/Variety Star - Adam Lambert, "American Idol"
Choice TV: Female Reality/Variety Star - Lauren Conrad, "The Hills"
Choice TV: Villain - Ed Westwick, "Gossip Girl"
Choice TV: Fab-u-lous - Miss Jay, "America's Next Top Model"
Choice TV: Sidekick - Emily Osment, "Hannah Montana"
Choice TV: Late Night Show - "Chelsea Lately"
Choice TV: Parental Unit - Billy Ray Cyrus, "Hannah Montana"
Choice TV: Personality - Ryan Seacrest, "American Idol" / E! News
Choice Summer TV Show - "Princess Protection Program"
Choice Summer TV Star Female: Selena Gomez, "Princess Protection Program"
Choice Summer TV Star Male: Daren Kagasoff, "The Secret Life of the American Teenager"

(photos from Just Jared & Just Jared Jr.)

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