16 March 2010

How to Make It in America - Episode 5 Recap

A Big in Japan recap:

For the second week in a row our heroes don't begin the episode at a party. In fact, neither of them step near a soirée in the entire episode, unless you consider waiting for a Japanese guy to critique your clothing line a party. (And if you do, stop reading and get yourself to Avenue ASAP. Say hi to Kappo for me.)

This week friends, we begin on a basketball court that brought me back to Bryan's days on the courts of One Tree Hill. Except instead of being backed by Lucas or Nathan Scott, Cam was there with more attitude than the both of them combined.

Now here's how to make it in America:

- Just because you were playing basketball with the boys doesn't mean you can't look stylish in a utilitarian coat as you go from b-ball court to city streets.
- Never eat a stiletto stoner's Cheez Doodles to mark your territory
- Business dinners + seeing mothers = 24 hrs in NYC
- Don't leave voicemails, send texts.
- When giving gamblers packages to hide in their house, make sure their wives won't kick them out of the house before you retrieve it.
- Always stick to Wayfarers
- Even old women can handle "Mr. Pickup Artist"
- Grandmas always win out over OGs
- Even OGs are scared of their grandmas
- Getting laid cures carrying tension in one's belly (a.k.a. broodiness)
- What does one do when taking ecstasy that's left over from Burning Man - go dancing with your girlfriend and make out with everyone in sight after professing your love to them in front of her
- Vintage = high school
- When you've stolen money from an OG, don't speed off in the yellow Corvette you bought with his money

I gotta admit my favorite part of the episode was when Ben refused a sk8r boy a cigarette. Just look at this dialogue:

Kid: Can I get a smoke off you mister?
Ben: Yo, you're like 12.
Kid: Fuck off asshole.
Me: Justin Bieber's mean.

Who knew shirts that say "New York City Eats Its Young" could be the start of something beautiful for our heroes?

As our boys head off into the streets of NYC to make 300 t-shirts by Wednesday, I'm suddenly craving some Cheez Doodles.

Now which do you rather: Cheez Doodles or Cheetos?

Either way, hands off Darren!

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