05 February 2011

"Jersey Shore" Speaks: Should We Just Break Up?

When we last left the Shore house all was good with the family once Jenni made up with Sam and Ron. Of course, as we've seen time and time again this season, the peace doesn't stick around for long. Pretty soon Sam and Ron are contemplating the state of their relationship. And by contemplating, I mean arguing.

I think it's time for these two to break up.
(image via mtv.com)

I think this week's quotes tell the story better than I can. Here's the best of Should We Just Break Up?

"I got like Situation pajamas, for real." - The Situation (I love that he really does have Situation pajamas. I can't wait till he starts giving girls t-shirts that say, "I slept with Situation, and all I got was this t-shirt!")

"I told him, I'm taking his sperm and making babies out of it." - Snooki (I'm sure Pauly's thrilled Snooki will have his kids.)

Who wouldn't want to make babies with that?
(image via mtv.com)

"I definitely don't have sex on the first night. It's not Halloween. I'm not handing out candy for free. Like you need a golden ticket to get into these drawers." - Deena (That's right! Deena has standards! And I love her analogies!)

"Whatever, my golden ticket was taken. It is what it is." - Deena (That's right! Deena will lower her standards for a "good guy!")

Oh look, it's the "good guy" with the "golden ticket."
(image via mtv.com)

"Everybody Google it because that's why the water's salty, from the fucking whale sperm." (So as I was Googling this under Snooki's guidance, "whale sperm for hair" popped up. WTF is that about? Anyway, my Google findings disagree and say it's because of salt. Who thinks Snooki knows best?)

"So I'm like, this kid fucking has a fianc√©. Do you have kids? Do you have an STD?" - Snooki (I love the order of her questions.)

"... And I'm like, don't call me after this. On to the next one." - Snooki (Okay, not one of Snooki's best lines ever, but  'on to the next one' is such a great motto for everything.)

"I don't want somebody that was engaged or married. I want somebody who's fresh." - Snooki (Exactly! Vibrant twentysomethings like Snooks don't need someone who's used.)

You sir are not "fresh."
(image via mtv.com)

"Snooks if you can't find a new guy tonight at Karma, you can have me." - Pauly (Sounds like Snooks will be collecting Pauly's sperm sooner than we thought.)

Now here's how to play a phone prank à la Pauly D:
"Thank you for calling the Jersey Shore store. We are unable to come to the phone at this time, but leave your name, number, and a brief message after the tone, we'll get back to you as soon as we can. Thank you. Bye.
For Snooki press 1, for Jenni press 2, for Deena press 4. The Jersey Shore customer you are trying to reach, Deena, cannot come to the phone at this time. Just leave a name, number, and a brief message after the tone. Her ass will get back to you. Thank you. Goodbye."
(I love Pauly!)

"She's a good girl and you did her dirty dog. You better send her roses to the house. You feel me! Roses dog with pickles dog, fried pickles! And they better be fried pickles!" - Pauly (Tell him! I want a Pauly! He's a blast.)

Jenni (at family dinner): "How was everyone's night?"
Snooki (talking to the camera about family dinner): "Jiminy Cricket."
(Finally, MTV meets Disney.)

"I mean I have a headache from dealing with Ron and Sam's relationship. I feel like I'm in the relationship, and it's not even mine. I actually can't even talk about it. It's giving me a headache right now, for real." - Situation (We totally understand Sitch. We totally understand.)

"I just don't like work because I don't like working." - Snooki (Proof Snooks needs a job that doesn't feel like a job. Good thing she's on a reality show.)

"Hell has to be just like this." - Vinny (Si Vincenzo, I'm sure anyone who's been to hell has heard the sounds of Sam and Ron fighting.)

Fighting again. Is this hell?
(image via mtv.com)

"I don't even know why Ron and Sam are fighting right now. I mean we're waiting for Sam who's straightening her hair, whose hair is already straight! Come on man, the only thing that needs to be straightened out is her brain." - Situation (Sitch makes a valid point here. Why is Sam always straightening her hair? Doesn't that make it more staticky?)

"Deena is crazy in the club. She Jersey Turnpikes all night long." - Pauly (The Jersey Turnpike, soon to replace "The Creep" which has now replaced "The Dougie" according to my most recent blog posts.)

"Face down, ass up. That's the way I like to have a good time." - Deena (Oh Deena, you're such a walking holiday.)

"I feel like Danielle definitely has like a Pauly D metal detector ... beep beep ... Pauly and blowouts and hair gel." - Vinny (Pauly D metal detector? Can I get one of those for my half birthday tomorrow?)

Life's tough. Ride a tricycle.
(image via mtv.com)

As you can see from my comments, I love Pauly D. Of course, my love for Pauly has not reached Danielle's stage 5 clinger proportions. Can you believe she just sat there and listened to Pauly and Vinny mocking her when they got back to the house? Let's hope she doesn't stalk his life on the boardwalk for the rest of the season.

Anyway, once again Sam and Ron have broken up. From the looks of next week's previews, it looks like Sam's officially leaving the house. Will Ron's Miami-partying ways return once she's gone? Guess we'll find out soon enough.

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