06 August 2011

"Jersey Shore" Speaks: Going to Italia

Ciao! Come stai?

I didn't no it was possible for such a tiny person to have such large suitcases.
image via mtv.com

Now that the Jersey Shore crew is heading to Italia, it's only right for me to throw in a couple Italian phrases every now and then. As expected the whole cast is pretty much lost in translation except for Vinny who (somewhat) understands Italian if you speak slowly. Viva Vincenzo! Who else expects him to come out with the Jersey Shore guide to Italian before this season's up? Let's hope Sitch doesn't beat him to it.

Of course with every new season comes the girl vs guy race to the house. Who wins this time around? The guys of course! Were you expecting a different outcome this year? Please.

What better way to kick off the new season than with a shot of limoncello!
image via mtv.com

After their morning wake-up call with the grenade horn, it's time to get food and hit the gym in Firenze (i.e. Florence). There's just one problem, no one can drive stick except Pauly D and Snooki. Yay, Snooki's good for something! Points for you diva! Now just because Snooki can drive stick doesn't mean she can navigate the streets of Firenze. The girls get lost as they follow the boys, and it's the end of their journey. That doesn't stop Snooks from working on her fitness at the house. Good thing they have two huge staircases to climb.

Ronnie looked so uncomfortable listening to Sitch.
image via mtv.com

Just as we think this will be a fun, drama-free episode as the cast acclimates to the Italian way of life, Sitch breaks some news. He whispers to Ronnie that he and Snooki have hooked up from time to time, even once when she was with her boyfriend Jionni. And just like that, drama slowly ignites. Oh, and later in the club Deena and Pauly have a creepy makeout session nella discoteca. Did anyone else see Pauly scrunching up his face when he kissed Deena?

image via mtv.com

Now here's the best of Going to Italia!

"You know Italy's like that big country, no, no, Europe's like that big country. And then you have like Britain in there, and England, and Italy." - Snooki (Let me not ruin her moment by explaining Europe's a continent and England's in Britain. Oops, too late.)

"I figure an Italian guy on a Vespa is like a hot guy here on a street bike." - Deena (Pretty much.)

"Vinny's always been mature. But I'm so much more mature with this beard." - Vinny (Now if only we could actually see this beard of his. It's practically invisible.)

Yes, very mature Vincenzo. Very mature.
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"Mom, do you think they have eyelashes in Italy?" - Snooki (FYI, she asking if they sell fake eyelashes in Italy, not if Italians weren't born with eyelashes.)

"I have no idea where Italy is on the map, but I do know what shape it is, and it's like a boot." - Snooki (See, she knows geography, well fashion-related geography.)

"Lock up your daughters. Handcuff your wives. The Situation's taking over the Italian nation." - Situation (Handcuff your wives? Calm down! How long do you think it took him to come up with that one?)

"JWOWW and her boobies are going to Italy." - JWoww (Let's hope she doesn't have to get a pat-down at the airport.)

JWoww and her boobies made it to Italia!
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"Is that where I get pesos?" - Snooki (Euros sweetie. They're called Euros.)

"I am down a can of bronzer. I only have about 8 cans left, and in my world that'll last about 10 days." - JWoww (Jenni only speaks the truth.)

"Now I'm in Italy and it's situazione." - Situation (Sounds like someone hit up Google Translate when he was on the plane.)

"They like my Italian English accent." - Pauly D (Umm, 'kay.)

"The streets are so small and the alleys are so narrow, Ronnie's not even gonna be able to fit through the alleys. He's gonna have to turn sideways." - Pauly D (Barely in Italy for more than a day and Pauly's already cracking jokes about his roommates. Gotta love him. Poor Ronnie.)

Pauly's usual hijinks.
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"We're going on the carouswheel." - Snooki (Carousel hun. Carousel.)

"Instead of the grenade whistle we have this grenade horn." - Pauly D (Guess they couldn't bring a vuvezela through customs.)

"Good morning Vincent. Good morning Vincent's beard. Did you two sleep well?" - Pauly D (Again, what beard?)

"Finally I'm useful for something because I'm not useful for anything in this house, but I can drive stick." - Snooki (Firenze drivers, you've been warned.)

"These pigeons are ruthless in Italy. They will attack you and bite your ears off." - Snooki (Am I the only one who considered not going to Italy because of the pigeons when they saw this scene?)

Snooki's such a scene-stealer. Love her.
image via mtv.com

"Luigi is like the guido Mr. Miyagi." - Vinny (Wow, I haven't heard the name Luigi since my Super Mario days.)

"Padres you better be lockin' up your bambinas because Situation's looking FTD tonight." - Situation (First handcuffs, not locks. Sounds like Sitch wants a dominatrix.)

"If Deena's boobie's could talk they'd say 'I'm a good time. I'm a blast in a bra.'" - Pauly D (I originally thought he was saying "blast in a bar" until one of my readers corrected me. Bra makes way more sense!)

"Taxi sona qui!" - Pauly D (Translation: Cabs are here!)

"I am the ambassador to my roommates. I am the only one in the house who speaks Italian so all the guys in the house have to come to me when they want to say something to a girl or want to know what a girl is saying back to them. So pretty much a necessity. Maybe they'll get me free drinks for that." - Vinny (Vinny's useful for something too. Yay!)

Vinny's new job as house translator.
image via mtv.com
You know there will be tons more epic quotes this season as the cast tries to find their way in Italy. Until next time, Arriverderci!


Anonymous said...

Pauly D actually said I'm a blast in a BRA not bar. Smart one

Shari B said...

That makes way more sense. Thanks for clarifying!